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A Wealth of Geekiness
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A Wealth of Geekiness
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#FictionFriday’s Prompt: Where your character is committed to a drastic or extreme change =============== “You cannot spend all of your time and money like that! It isn’t healthy!” Laura screamed at James, not for the first time this week on this subject alone. She stood at the doorway, watching him. “It is not that bad,” he said, as usual. He completely disregarded her opinion on this subject. “You missed work twice this week, and you forgot to pick up Billy from school!” she said. Technically, she had lied. He had missed two full days and left early on a third, but who was counting. He said over his shoulder, “I have been feeling under the weather, and Billy needed the exercise anyways.” “It was twelve miles!” August in Oklahoma was not the time for such insane exercises. “A lot of exercise.” “He had just finished football practice!” “Fourth quarter conditioning.” “No. No. Do not give me that bull shit. You fucking forgot your son!” She had heard this line of illogic many times before. Some kind of macho uber practice technique. She did not buy into it. “I did not forget him.” Billy’s feet would disagree. “You completely forgot him. And how about Sarah? Did you not forget to feed her all day yesterday? Did you not forget to change her diaper? Did you not forget to talk to her so that she knows you love her?” She clenched her hands into fists. She fought the urge to pulverize him. “So I didn’t change a diaper. She didn’t complain.” “Cuz she can’t talk!” Sarah was not even two months old. “Are you just going to yell at me?” “Will it do any good?” “Probably not, but I need to know before I sign up for this next round.” “You have to be kidding me. After all that, you’re still going?” She threw up her hands in frustration and spun on her heels to leave the room. “Heck yeah. We’re gonna clear Flame Leviathan on hard mode!” James called after her. Laura pretended not to hear him. She left the house. When she returned later, she had signed divorce papers and a sledge hammer, and James was already asleep. She left the papers on the smashed remains of the computer and took her kids to her parents’ house.  Tags: #fictionfriday, #fridayflash, Addiction, bad parenting, Change, flame leviathan, Flash Fiction, gaming, gaming addiction, karma, WoW
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Posted on 04:09, July 3rd, 2009 by 
Posted in 
OMG, this is a vision of my 14 year old son's future! You've captured the clash between the ubergeek and the real world brilliantly.
If I could make just one small suggestion – use contractions more in the dialogue, it sounds a bit stilted the way you've written it.
An excellent story, well done
Thanks for the comment and suggestion. I try to steer away from too much dialect in my dialogue, but I can agree that more contractions would fit the situation better. Then there are situations where I do not think they work better, like the sentence "Do not give me that bull shit." I see emphasis getting placed on the not part of it. I will try to work contractions in more. Not everyone speaks like I do, after all!
You might have your son read the story and tell him that it was written by someone with multiple characters over level 70 who still does not spend that much time on WoW. I would never be that addicted to the game, but I know women that have broken up with their boyfriends/husbands over it. Hopefully, he will get the picture and learn.
I agree with you about that particular sentence – and I think it would stand out more if you used contractions in other instances…
I'll pass the link to Blake, but somehow I don't suppose it'll tear him away from the screen. Actually, he probably won't end up in James's situation because he'll never find a girl in the first place at this rate! Tee hee!
Enjoyable read, thanks! Nice of her to not use the sledge hammer on him…:)
[...] This post was Twitted by AnasaziStories [...]
I liked that story. I was interested from the start. I did not feel empathy for either character but as it is a first draft I will let you off
Ahh! Game addiction. It was not until I completely finished the piece that I got the title – Wow. "…Flame Leviathan on hard mode!" narrowed it down to gaming for me, but I don't do WoW so missed the cultural reference.
I agree with Pippa, that the dialog seems a bit forced. Most people do use contractions when talking. They should be avoided in narrative, but are fine in dialog. Using them would have given the "do not" in "Do not give me that bull shit." even more emphasis.
Some people might find the sledge hammer a bit much, but I did not. I know a woman who literally cut the power cord off of their TV with a pair of sewing scissors. She was lucky she didn't electrocute herself. Different addiction, I know, but same effect.
~jon
I like this story. His dismissive replies made me chuckle, which made me feel a little guilty given the fact that he was destroying his family and abusing his two month old by neglecting her. Nicely done.
As much as I liked the humour of his replies, especially the "next round" comment I did enjoy the sledgehammer more. It worked as a nice balance because, let's face it, siding with the guy in the end would have been unconscionable but you put a good tag on the end that we could enjoy the wordplay without guilt.
Mine own:
http://eclecticchair.wordpress.com/2009/07/03/fic...
Man, I was worried about that sledgehammer. I strongly suspect there was a moment for his wife when she had to choose what the target was going to be. Just a moment, but it was there.
Nice back-and-forth between the two of them. High speed badminton. It moved very well.
ahhhhhh. I totally feel her pain. Been there done that. Word of Warcraft: Ruining marriages one "quest" at a time.
Great read.
~2
I find this post amusing on a personal level. There's a guy named James in my guild who was asking why we were doing Flame Leviathan with only two towers up instead of going for hard mode. We had to explain to him that we had not completed it with two towers up yet anyway, and that hard mode is activated by leaving all four towers up, not just the three he was thinking it would have been.
Hahaha, being a gamer myself, I could relate to the guy. PC, PS3, Wii, Xbox, can really put yourself into a world of your own, disregarding everything that happens around you. I like the dialog though, the guy seems to be able to answer everything he's thrown at, even though it is ridiculous, showing that he is quick-witted but detached from reality. Like the sledgehammer too, but I would've had the wife set the computer on fire. Great piece!!
see mine at :
http://anandserpi.wordpress.com/2009/07/03/my-bel...
Reminds me of arguments back when I used to play City Of Heroes. Thankfully I managed to avoid the sledgehammer and divorce part. Great stuff.
Universally, this is a story of addiction and its destructive effects. You captured that well. I personally think she should've forgotten about the divorce papers and just gone straight for the husband with the sledgehammer — and spared the computer. It's too valuable. Thanks for playing in the #FridayFlash sandbox.
Many apologies for my tardiness on giving feedback – I have been without the internet for a lifetime – a fortnight. Visitors can find my FF for 3rd July here – http://annieevett.blogspot.com/2009/06/your-essen...
There were some beautiful moments in this – but the sledgehammer topped it for me. I enjoyed how your reflected some of the actions and words to give them more emphasis
Dialogue can carry or kill a story and its such a fine line sometimes to how important it is to the overall story of HOW much to include. Stephan King suggests that a major downfall with many writers is that they TELL the reader how a character is saying what they are saying. Instead, delete said, screamed, mused, shouted and use other words or actins the character has available to them to suggest to the reader how they are saying it. It will then come across as less clunky and more accessable for the reader – who will have their own imagines in their head and will not want ot be distracted by your hand holding in small matters.
Well done and thanks for joining us at FF!